


all the things i don't talk about

by alderations



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Light Angst, unbeta'd because I'm impatient (sorry babe)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alderations/pseuds/alderations
Summary: They had to improvise, certainly, but everyone made it out unscathed and they were out of the Venusian atmosphere before anyone could even realize what they’d stolen. It was all fine. Buddy should have been fine.Buddy was not fine.





	all the things i don't talk about

As a team, they all worked with the kind of synchrony that their enemies could only dream of, but no one else could compare to Buddy and Vespa. They played into each other’s plans so perfectly, fighting and running and negotiating and lying, that it always seemed impossible to fuck up—until someone did. And then Vespa was falling from the bridge again, and Buddy was dragged off to jail again, and where it had taken them mere days to fall back into each other’s orbit, those fifteen years would never stop biting at their heels.

This was one of those missteps, and a minor one at that. Were she on her own, Buddy wouldn’t have batted an eye when the security system booted Rita at the wrong time and, for a split second, turned on the emergency lights in the warehouse they were raiding. They had to improvise, certainly, but everyone made it out unscathed and they were out of the Venusian atmosphere before anyone could even realize what they’d stolen. It was all fine. Buddy should have been fine.

Buddy was not fine. Her voice shook as she and Jet decided on the ship’s course, and she couldn’t bring herself to debrief the rest of the team then, not before she had the time to rest her head on Vespa’s shoulder until they both felt corporeal again. Jet looked at her with the kind of concern that only she could decipher from his face; she just shook her head, her hair bouncing back and forth in front of her mechanical eye in scarlet cloud. Juno and Rita were busy arguing over some technological blunder, and she could tell from his eyes that the thief knew something was wrong, but he also knew better than to comment. For once, Vespa was the only one who would challenge her, and not until the rest of the crew had split off one by one to attend to their own issues, leaving Buddy alone in the pilot’s seat except for Vespa at her shoulder.

It took at least ten minutes for Buddy to even turn her head, but when she did, Vespa was waiting. Her dark eyes surveyed every inch of Buddy with the same efficiency as always, as if she even needed to read Buddy when she knew exactly the right moment to brush the tears from her eye and say, “I know, Bud.”

“I’m sorry,” Buddy murmured, reaching up to wrap her hand around Vespa’s.

Vespa shook her head and settled onto the arm of Buddy’s chair. It would’ve been an awkward position, maybe, if they were anyone else, but Buddy loved to tuck herself into Vespa’s side and hold her there, always on the edge of falling into Buddy’s lap and toppling them both to the floor. She had a flair for the precarious, it seemed. “I know,” repeated Vespa.

A purple light blinked on the control panel—they had reached cruising speed. “I have every bit of faith in you, Vespa. I don’t want you to think that I react the way I do for—for any fault of yours.”

“It’s alright, Bud. I’m right there with you.” She pushed her sunglasses up her nose and fixed Buddy with the kind of look that kept her captive every time: her narrow face tilted like she needed to regard Buddy in stereo, her eyebrows tense with focus, her sharp chin punctuating the gaunt effects of years of radiation poisoning. It was the same look they’d shared for decades, but the latter hit Buddy with renewed force every day. “We’re good on cash at the moment. Maybe we should take a vacation.”

“Maybe.” Buddy surprised herself with the rasp in her throat. “I just—I worry that someone will catch up to us. I want to keep you safe, darling. Not to mention the rest of our team.” She turned to stare out into the stars, but her focus stayed on Vespa’s cool hand combing through her hair. “I couldn’t go back to—to the person I was before, Vespa. I love Jet dearly, but he wouldn’t be able to keep me alive again.”

Vespa snorted, and Buddy looked up at her, confused. “Hell, Buddy, you sound like me. Do you hear yourself?”

They stared at each other for a moment. Then Buddy started laughing, hoarse and unsteady, and Vespa joined her, until they were holding each other in the pilot’s seat, tears running down both their faces, as they struggled to catch their breath. “You’re right,” Buddy finally gasped. “I know, love, you’re right. One of us has to worry, though, you know?”

“Maybe. Or maybe not.” Vespa kissed her. It could’ve felt like the kisses they shared when they were young. It could have been adrenaline and drama and freedom, stolen goods and shared secrets. Instead, Buddy felt  _ old, _ bone-deep and aching, but to her surprise, it felt… nice. Like she was a real human, anchored to something and someone, for once in her life. “Let the kids worry. We can just take care of each other.”

“Hmm,” Buddy sighed. “Agreed. Though don’t let Juno hear you calling him a kid, or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

**Author's Note:**

> *strums sousaphone* i had a really good idea for a buddy/vespa fic at 1:30 AM after i posted that other fic the other day but it was 1:30 AM and i had class at 8 the next morning or that morning i guess and i never write anything down because i think i have a good memory but i dont and i dont remember the idea but i needed to write about my Moms so i did,
> 
> I need more of these two so I can get a better idea of how to write them... like next to Juno everyone else seems so hard to write because Juno has such a fuckin VOICE. but yeah. i tried. i just think about buddy and vespa sometimes and im like..... ow. yknow? im in a mood(tm) if you cant tell from this hot mess of a notes. this is also loosely mitski-inspired cuz the video for [a pearl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8FDl_tMs4Y).... man it was already my favorite song on that album but damn. she Gets it. she Knows.
> 
> comment to pour LOVE and APPRECIATION and also CINNAMON SUGAR directly into my HEART MUSCLE


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